Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
