I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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