obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
