hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
