I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
"it" just moved
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
