remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
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I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
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we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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