i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
