I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
