weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
