i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
