The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
