you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
