Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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