i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
