Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
