none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
