I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
