Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Bring me that man meat
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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