you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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