Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
someone owes me an orgasm
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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