im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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