So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize