He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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