I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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