3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
