I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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