I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
