...so i touched it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
