He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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