would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
