I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
