um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
