Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
