btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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