He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
