I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
