I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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