somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
