OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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