By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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