So drunk, too bad you don't want this
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
