no you cant smoke seaweed
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
