Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
