I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
