ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
