Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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