I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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