so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
