It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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