My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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