i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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