the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
