yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you win again, gameday.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
