he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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