I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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