I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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