pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
