im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
