its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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