Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
