Just cropdusted the office
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
