wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
