Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
