The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wish life had little blips of pornography
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
