Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
