I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
