If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
