I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
