I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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