operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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