it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
whose ass print is on the piano?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
