How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Randomize
