did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
