The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
