is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she told me i tasted like america
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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